Words To a Young Parent

I often wish that I could tell young parents what I've learned over the years and spare them the trials I went through and the mistakes I made as a parent. It is all so obvious to me now and was so difficult then.

I recently got that opportunity. I had a white sofa and loveseat for sale and a woman called to ask about it. We talked about the sofa for a bit - it was pretty obvious that she really wanted a white sofa - , then she paused and said wistfully, "I have two small children". She paused, and I laughed. "Then trust me, you probably don't want this sofa. It's white." I said. "I didn't get a white sofa until my kids were grown and out of the house." Another pause while she considered this and she asked "Well, what advice can you give me?" as if I were a telephone fortune teller. I realized that she wasn't talking about the sofa anymore. She was asking me, as a wise older woman who had apparently survived parenthood, my advice on being a parent. Here was my opportunity!

I said, "The two most important things I learned, rather too late in my case, are, first - be consistent and follow through on the consequences. So, if you have rules, be consistent. If your child breaks the rule, make sure there are consequences and that they are rational AND that you will enforce them."

"It makes no sense to tell your child that they can NEVER EVER watch TV again. The first time you go back on your word and give in and let her watch TV, your child knows you don't mean what you say and you've lost her respect."

I went on, "The second rule is to always show a united front with your spouse in front of the children. Support each other and never override the other parent. Never let your children come between you."

We talked for awhile longer, she asked me some more questions, then we said goodbye. Among other things, she told me that she couldn't get the children to go to sleep without sleeping with them in their beds and then waking up in the middle of the night with a pain in her neck and back from trying to shape herself into a pretzel in a single bed so as not to wake the little angel.

Ahhh. I remember that. I think my kids were in college before I or my husband ever spent a full night in our own bed. Well, perhaps I exaggerate.