Getting Older - Time's Running Out - Gotta Keep on Movin'

I am beginning to feel my age this past year. I don't know if it's because I have been depressed (probably) or because I'm actually getting older (I'm kind of in denial). But lately I have become aware of time passing.

My uncle died this past week after a stroke. His sister, my aunt, is also failing. She's 92, he was 88. I'm on the verge of becoming the matriarch of my family. Well, I'm just not ready to be a matriarch, but my parents' generation is almost gone now. I'm so very conscious of time passing quickly now - so quickly. Realizing that there are things that I am not going to be able to accomplish now. After all, how many more years do I have where I'm not drooling on myself? I'm a little stiffer when I move now, a little slower, I don't think I'm as smart as I used to be. I always used to joke that I had enough brain cells that even when I lost some, I'd still be smarter than most. Well, that may still be true, but perhaps it's just that the gene pool is getting more shallow...

So, I went for my annual physical this past week. I'm fine, a little too fat, need to eat fewer beige food, more green foods, but in pretty good shape. Blood pressure, despite the incredible stress, is normal. 120/80. I need to exercise more to get the HDL up, Triglycerides down. My doctor, who is about the same age as I am, walked in the room and began the conversation by talking about how he is dealing with getting older, voicing all of my concerns as if he had been evesdropping on my brain. We talked about my impending move, my very hard, "man's world" career, my survival instincts. Then we talked about my grandchildren, my art, being more spiritual, softer now. He suggested that I might want to take this opportunity to focus on my softer side. Develop my art, start my children's art school, be a little less analytical, more spiritual. My kids will not believe I'm saying this. they think I'm the strong one. The one who takes care of everyone, everything. But I think I've been changing, slowly, perhaps imperceptibly to some, but not to me.

I'm not quite ready for what I call the "woo woo" stuff, but perhaps I can be a little more content, a little happier with myself and my life.

I have been thinking about that conversation with my doctor (I'll miss him, he's a smart, knowledgeable person) for a few days now. This move can be the perfect opportunity to finally explore those things that I love, but have put on hold.

Well, there's no more time to put things on hold!

See you all soon!