Things Grandma Knows...

People always assume that I have the answers.

I have gotten some pretty strange calls. Here are some of them:

At 11pm, some years ago: "Mom, how do you cook artichokes?"

From my 5-year old Granddaughter: "Grandma, when I call you, how does the cell phone work?"

So, what do I really know? I didn't know much when I was younger. I made some awful decisions, some really stupid mistakes. But now this stuff seems pretty obvious. It seems that everyone has to make her own mistakes and no one ever seems to learn from others' mistakes, but perhaps someone will read this and a light will go off for them.

Here are some of the things that I have finally learned... Things I didn't learn for a long, long time.

Treat everyone you meet with respect. Not something I have always done. But as I get older it seems so obvious. Your co-workers, clerks in stores, people on the phone. Make them feel good about themselves. You don't have to knock them down. Smile, say hello. My kids will laugh their heads off at this one. They know me and they know that I can be pretty sharp and derisive and impatient with people who aren't quick enough. In fact, I don't think my kids have yet recognized this change in me, so convinced are they that I am still my past.

Build people up. Don't tear them down. A person's real character shows through in how they treat their friends, family and strangers.

Accept gifts gracefully. I'm terrible at this. Even now. Why is that? I think it is because, deep down, I don't think I deserve gifts. "Please, don't spend money on me, I don't need anything". Unfortunately, that's how my parents were. Hard habit to break. My daughter recently gave me an Ipod for Mother's Day. I accepted this gift gracefully. She told me that she knew I'd return it. In fact, I did return it, but just to get the one with more memory. I think it's a great gift. I haven't gotten it yet, but I will. I will.

People don't have to know that you are the smartest in the room - it's enough if just you know it.

No one else can make you happy. And you can't make someone else happy. We're all on our own here.

A corollary to this is:

You can't change another person. So girls, when you date that "project guy", that guy who would be perfect if only he changed this or that...No... He wouldn't. He'll just drag you down with him. Back away from that guy. Fast.

Instead, find the man (or woman, you guys) who will be your best friend. Who will build you up, support your dreams, your gifts. That's the person you want for your life. There are plenty of people who will step on you, knock you down, hurt you. Your partner cannot, I say, CANNOT be one of them.

Live below your means. I know that it is so tempting to buy the bigger house, bigger car, more expensive clothes. You figure, "I have plenty of time till retirement". Well, no. You don't. I know too many people who now realize in their late 50s that they won't ever get to retire. I recently moved and it was very depressing to go through years and years of receipts for things I had bought. Most of which I don't even have anymore...almost none of which I really needed. I threw out so much...junk.

Get an education.

You don't know what you don't know. If you don't go to college, you'll never know. There's so much out there. College teaches you to think. To do research. To finish something. Turns out that it's really important stuff, to be able to finish things. Not quitting when things get tough. Don't tell me you don't have the money or the time or any other excuse. College is an investment in YOU. In your future. It is worth it. But you can go to a community college for your first two years, then transfer into the school from which you will graduate. Don't forget, that diploma only lists the school from which you graduate, not the steps along the way. And remember, once you have that diploma, it's yours forever.

Save as much as you can, as early as you can. As soon as you start working, even just a few dollars a month. Don't get that $3 latte. Bring your lunch. That alone is a few hundred dollars a month! Then buy a house. It doesn't have to be big. It can be a duplex where you live in one half and rent out the other half. Then your tenant will be paying off your mortgage debt. But start owning real estate. Then, don't sell it. Start building up your real estate investments.

Corollary 1: Pay off your mortgage as quickly as you can. Don't believe those people who say "it's a tax deduction". Duh! a tax deduction means, first you pay it, then you get some of it back. But if you don't have to pay it in the first place, you get to keep it all. Just because it is a 30-year mortgage doesn't mean you should keep it for all 30 years. Really. Think, people.

Corollary 2: IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE MONEY - DON'T BUY IT! Seems pretty obvious, but so many people are in a hole and just keep digging.

Set Goals. One of these goals should be to be able to retire at an early age. You don't have to actually retire, but wouldn't it be nice to have the choice?

Keep your true friends, get rid of the others. You will find that you start to categorize people into those who are easy to be with and those who just take too much effort. Cherish your true friends, your family. Dump the others. Goodbye!

Be friends with your parents, your siblings (and your adult children). I'm talking about when you and they are all adults. I think it is always so sad when someone says that they haven't spoken to their brother or mother in years. Your siblings, after all, are the only people on this earth who have gone through the same life that you have. You and they share your early memories. Once your parents are no longer around, no one else knows you like your brother or sister.

Grow up! Don't hold grudges from years past. What a waste of energy.

Don't blame your past for your life now. I used to know someone who kept saying that no one in his family was ever destined to succeed and so, neither would he. He even said that there was a black cloud following him everywhere he went. In fact, the only thing keeping him from succeeding in life was his own behavior and his own choices. Until he realizes this, he'll be just making the same mistakes over and over.

Stay healthy and fit. Sweetie, nothing else matters if you don't have this.

Be yourself and be in control of yourself. People will try to make you into someone else - your boyfriend, your boss, your parents. Stick to your guns. No one has the right to control you. Make your own decisions. Ask for help if you need it, but in the end, the decisions are yours to make.